


The Desire To Protect

by phyrestorm



Category: Starfighter (Comic)
Genre: Angst, Assholery, Blood and Gore, Character Death, Heroism, Idiots in Love, M/M, POV Switches, Some Humor, Unrequited Crush, Very Requited Dislike, lots of fucking swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-20
Updated: 2014-10-20
Packaged: 2018-02-21 21:07:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 4,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2482463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phyrestorm/pseuds/phyrestorm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Abel isn't the only one with special abilities?  Also, there's nothing like expecting death within minutes to make people be honest with themselves.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this when the comic was on Chapter 4, page 28. It's set a few months later. I'm sure it'll conflict with canon in all kinds of ways pretty soon. Page 30 already messed me up a bit. The title is from [here.](http://starfightercomic.com/chapter_04_page.php?page=Chapter_04_Page_10.jpg/)
> 
> It's my first time, but please DON'T be gentle. If I've fucked something up or if you just think something could have been done better, tell me.  
> Someone suggested using chapter titles to make it clearer whose POV each chapter is in. Agree? Disagree? Let me know in the comments.

Wha happen? Dunno. Go 'way.

Ha...I got hit.. inna head...with a... asteroid. Haha! ASS-troid! Heh. Thass wat happen. 

Hahaha...ow...

Wuzzat sparkly shit? Heh. 's moooving...spaaaarklessss...hahahahaaaaaaa.....

(Sedative-related rambling deleted. Subject was eventually persuaded to return to the topic of the asteroid.)

Wuz fulla dem...bug fuckers. Doze clerons...terrors...things...I-I mean...coulters? 

Heheheh. They look fuuuunny close up...

(Further sedative-related rambling deleted. Attempts to return subject to any useful topic failed.)

Sure, gimme a giraffe...just not the floating kind. 

What're you laughin' at?

Whatever. Haha. These drugs are niiiiiiiiice. Heh... Should give 'em to Abel. Fuckin' uptight lil'...

Wait.

(Subject abruptly switches from English to Russian. Remaining logs have been translated.)

Where is he?

Where's Abel? 

Is he OK? Did he make it?! 

TELL ME, YOU FUCKING BASTARDS! WHERE IS HE?!

DON'T YOU DARE STICK THAT NEEDLE IN ME BITCH NO STOP GET OFF ME I'LL KILL YOU I'LL KILL YOU BASTARDS I'LL KILL YOU ALL AAAAARGGGHH GRRRRAAAARRRRRRRHH NO NO NOOOO FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUck you...fuck you...f...uck...y...uuurgghhhhhhhhhh...

 

**TWO DAYS AGO**

 

I awaken into a universe of agony.

I can't see. I can barely breathe. 

I thought I was something of an expert on pain, but this is like nothing I've ever imagined.

When I said I got off on being alive to experience both pain and pleasure, I did NOT fucking mean this much pain.

Where am I? Nowhere good. Every attempt at movement sends a searing jolt through my body.

Something is holding me. Pinning me in place. GET OFF GET OFF. I struggle, claw at it, try to bite it. 

It lets go. I fall and land on my head. 

OWW!! _FUCK..._

So that's which way is up.

I black out.

 

When I come back, more of my senses are working. I smell smoke. I see flames reflecting off metal. I'm lying on my side with my legs stuck above me somehow. I'm just thinking about trying to move again when something crashes into me and grabs me.

It yanks my arms so hard I think they'll come out of their sockets if I'm not torn apart entirely first. Then it's gripping me around the chest and making a godawful noise that feels like an icy, twisting knife through my brain.

Is it...speaking? Somehow I have the feeling it's not an enemy. I stop fighting for just a moment and the blackness returns.

 

The next thing I see is that shithead Praxis. He's leaning over me, holding a knife. It and his fist are dripping blood. I try to focus better and realize I can only see him with my right eye.

It dawns on me that I should be afraid.

My left arm doesn't work. I take a swipe with my right hand and find only a sticky mess and a new burst of pain where my left eye should be.

Praxis smirks.

"Karma's a bitch, huh, Cain."


	2. Chapter 2

Sir, I'm sorry, but I don't have time for this! Ask Praxis what happened. It's not like his Navigator needs him now, but I need to get down to medical. I should be there when he wakes up.

What do you mean "IF?!" CAIN IS GOING TO WAKE UP! And I should be there when it happens! What would _you_ do if it was Encke?!

What KIND of surgery? FOR HOW LONG?!

OK, OK! I'm calm. I'm calm. I-I'm c-c-... Who am I kidding...

S-sorry, sir. 

Where should I start?

OK. We went out to scout the abandoned Athene asteroid base. It was supposed to be easy, just four ships buzzing by to see if there was any sign of life.

As soon as we were on the other side of the interference field from the Sleipnir, Porthos and Phobos started junking up the radio with some stupid argument. I knew they'd just get louder to spite me if I said anything, so I ignored them and got Cain to wisecrack about them to me instead of joining in.

I was so focused on searching for any trace of Colteron activity on or around the asteroid that I didn't realize anything was wrong until I heard a bang and then "Mayday, mayday! This is Tiberius! Pharaon just collided--" 

Then there was a tremendous jolt and a wrenching, tearing noise like nothing I've ever heard. Just about every possible warning icon showed up on my screen, but 'Hull Breach' and 'Life Support Failing' were the ones that really got my attention.

I guess Cain was more on top of things than I was, because he immediately started swearing a blue streak at Porthos. I told him to shut up so I could concentrate, but...heh. You can guess how effective that was.

I knew Reliant wouldn't hold together long enough to get us back to the Sleipnir, so I steered toward Athene and prayed the permeable airlock was still working. You know, the force field that holds air in and lets solid objects like ships through.

Of course you know. Sorry. I guess I'm still pretty rattled.

One of the wings was badly damaged and we were coming in way too fast. Not that I'm making excuses. Maybe a better Navigator could have landed smoothly. I did the best I could, but we hit something, flipped over, and skidded upside down for what seemed like forever before finally crashing to a stop.

I don't think I was hurt at that point, just dazed. Hanging upside down was disorienting, but after all that noise, the silence was worse. The engine was dead. So was the radio. Cain, who seconds before had been describing intimate acts between Porthos and a dead donkey, was quiet. I should have...I should have realized right then. I-I...oh god... 

Sorry. I'm all right. Just...just give me a moment.

You _will_ tell me right away if...anything happens...won't you?

Water would be great, actually.

Thanks, Keeler. Really. Oh jeez... I'm not being very professional, am I.

There was a deafening boom and everything shook so violently I thought the fuel tanks had exploded and we were dead. Of course it was the Tiberius making a somewhat better landing than I'd managed, but I didn't know that yet. 

I undid my harness, managed not to fall on my head, and...ugh, this is embarrassing. I just lay there like a lump for I don't know how long, staring at nothing. Then Praxis was banging on my hatch and shouting something about being on fire.


	3. Chapter 3

I guess you're here to find out which rumors are true, huh?

All right. Come in. Sit down if you want.

Let me get this over with first: Yes, I did make that stupid karma comment. I'm not proud of it, but the guy had threatened me repeatedly and attacked me with a knife. And whatever Abel might choose to believe, the way Cain tries to control Abel's life is just plain wrong. And I'd just lost my Navigator-- _again_ \--I didn't think any of us would make it back, and...well, I guess I wanted to see something other than a sneer or a snarl on that jerk's face just once.

I got my wish. A look of pure terror flashed over him as he pawed at his eye. I think the idea that I might have cut it out occurred to us both at the same time.

I tried to tell him his eye was still there and just had a loose flap of skin from his forehead and a lot of blood in it. Really, I did. But he was too busy screaming about killing me and flailing around trying to get up to listen. I tried to get him to be still so he wouldn't make his injuries worse, but of course he was having none of that either. He'd just about made it to all fours when the Colterons showed up.

But I'm getting ahead of myself.

How did it start? With that goddamn moron Porthos ramming his fucking ship into the Tiberius, that's how. He was trying to get a rise out of my Navigator by almost hitting us, except he fucked up the 'almost' part. My poor Nav saw it coming at the last second and overcorrected right into the Reliant. Can't really blame him. I just about shit myself too.

Of course the prick buggered off straight back to the Sleipnir "to get help" without even asking if we were OK, and that other little prat took off right after him. I hope they both get fucking court martialed for that.

I saw the Reliant flip over and catch fire as we were coming in towards Athene's hangar bay. We flew right over them and I was sure we were going to hit the far wall, but my Nav managed to land pretty damn smoothly, all things considered, with just one major bump at the end. I told him so as I was scrambling out to see if Abel--if the Reliant crew needed help.

I'll always wonder if he heard me. 

Probably not. By the time I got back, he was already going cold.


	4. Chapter 4

Praxis and I managed to drag Cain out of the Reliant just in time. Barely two minutes later, a scorching blast of air knocked us to the ground as she exploded. Praxis's hair actually caught fire in the back. Any closer and we all would have gone down with her.

Cain was still out cold and bleeding badly from I don't even know how many places. His "unbreakable" window broke when we crashed and it looked like every shard went straight into him. I used our undershirts to try and stanch the worst of it while Praxis retrieved the first aid kit from the Tiberius. 

Praxis had a nasty gash on his hand and apparently the tip of my ear was sheared off somehow, but we used all the bandages on Cain. It still wasn't enough.

The last thing I wanted to do was leave Cain's side, but I was a far better mechanic than Praxis and he would obviously be more useful in a fight. So I fixed the Tiberius the best I could while Praxis kept watch on the tunnel leading from the hangar bay deeper into the asteroid.

She wasn't in bad shape for a ship that had just collided with two others, but the toolkit had been under the Navigator's seat and the whole thing was drenched in his blood. My hands kept shaking and I had to stop twice to climb all the way down and get something I'd dropped. 

I don't know what Praxis did with the body. I don't want to know. I'm just glad I didn't have to see it.

I was almost done when I heard shouting and glanced down. Cain was awake and they were yelling at each other. 

I was so relieved I almost fell right off the wing I was repairing. I ran to him, but I also wanted to roll my eyes. I mean... Really, guys? Now?! _Fighters..._

I made it within 30 feet before something clamped around my leg and yanked me into the air.


	5. Chapter 5

I'm still staring in horror at Praxis and his knife when Abel screams. 

The next few minutes happen in disconnected flashes.

Finally getting to my feet. It hurts like a motherfucker but I don't care.

Punching Praxis in the gut. Taking his knife.

The 'Terons. A whole swarm of the fuckers.

One has its pincers around Abel's leg and is dragging him into a tunnel.

_OH NO YOU FUCKING DON'T._

Running. Stabbing. Slashing. 

Spurts of clear liquid. Clicking. Rattling.

Kicking. Punching. Biting.

Screaming. Is it the 'Terons doing that or me? 

A shiny black figure battling beside me.

A blow and a spatter of red.

Abel looking scared but unhurt.

Lights out.


	6. Chapter 6

There were about a dozen of them. They must have come up to see what all the noise was about, then waited until we were all distracted to attack.

These must not have been the Colteron version of Fighters or we never would have won. We shouldn't have won anyway, but...Cain...bloody hell.

I don't know how the hell Cain was even conscious, much less able to do what he did. He caught me in the diaphragm before I even knew he was up, then tore into the 'Terons. I've never seen anyone move so fast. It was like some kind of savage dance. Every blow he landed seemed to cripple or kill, and he didn't miss.

He bit the throat out of the one attacking Abel. The bug slashed his chest open to the bone at the same time and he didn't seem to notice.

I keep seeing that again in my dreams--Cain snarling with a chunk of carapace in his teeth, eyes completely deranged, soaking red with the mixture of the 'Terons' clear blood and his own.

I joined the fight as soon as I got my breath back enough to stand, but the truth is, I don't think he needed my help. He could have taken them all.

I don't believe the stories they tell about gypsies. Demon powers and that bullshit. But after seeing that, I have to wonder how those stories got started. 

As soon as the last 'Teron was down, he turned to look behind him, took one step, and dropped like a sack of bricks.


	7. Chapter 7

I'm on the ground again and I don't have long. I'm a Fighter by nature as much as by profession, but there's no fighting this. There's no going back once a pool of blood gets that big, and it's not even my first one today.

Abel is safe. He'll get home on the Tiberius with Praxis. I never thought I'd be glad that meddling prick was around.

I study the face of the fallen Colteron next to me. If you can call it a face. 

Some of the legs still twitch feebly. The compound eyes, glittering in the light of the burning Reliant, tilt unmistakably toward me.

We're doing the same thing, me and the bug. Gazing at each other as we die. I don't know what either of us expects to see.

I close my eyes as my vision starts to swim. Other faces swirl through my mind.

A beautiful woman with wild black hair holding an infant, ghosts in a faded photo.

A pair of guilty brown eyes among a gang of boys shouting "Tsygan, tsygan" as they pelt me with stones. 

The biggest little loudmouth brat in the orphanage, who was called to the director's office one day and came back weeks later, weeping silently and bleeding through the seat of his pants, never to speak freely again. 

The man who took me from prison to space, taught me most of my dirty tricks, and destroyed any last shred of innocence I might have had.

And him. My last chance. My final task.

All my life, I tried to stand out, to be the best, to be special. And in the end, the only important thing I ever did was fuck someone who really is special.

"Form a bond," said Bering. "As strong as you can, as quickly as you can. Make him need you so much he'll do anything to protect you. Let nothing and no one interfere. You have three weeks."

I made him mine within three hours. 

Obviously, I wasn't supposed to feel anything in return. 

Was I? 

I'm confused. I guess being at death's door will do that. Not that I really understood the plan in the first place.

Something warm is dripping on my face.

I open my eyes and it's him. Abel. He's sitting with my head in his lap, stroking my hair and crying. 

For me. 

No one cries for me.

I try to sit up. Nope, not happening.

That godawful noise starts again: "CAIN YOU'RE ALIVE OH THANK GOD PRAXIS HELP ME GET HIM INTO THE SHIP CAIN YOU'RE GONNA BE OK WE'LL GET YOU HOME JUST PLEASE DON'T DIE PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME PLEASE PLEASE..."

 _Please_ shut up.

Something's grabbing me again. It's got my hand. I try to get away until Abel lifts my hand up in front of my face to show me it's just him holding it. 

There's something I have to figure out, something terribly important I need to do or say, but I don't know how and everything's going blurry and distant and cold.


	8. Chapter 8

It's not easy to pilot a Starfighter when you're trained to do the shooting, not the steering. Having a jackass with a head injury start thrashing around trying to attack everything right behind you doesn't help. 

It's not that I wanted Cain dead. Not like I'd miss him either, but he should have been dead at least three times over and wasn't. I saw how torn up he was. I saw about a gallon of blood drain out of him. I saw the dent in his fucking skull! And after all that, he still had the energy to go berserk without the sense to know trying to kill Tiberius from the inside wasn't a good idea. That's...honestly, that creeps me the hell out.

Anyway, I wanted to have Abel fly us back and then send a rescue team for Cain, but Abel refused to go without him. He was positive they would fit in a compartment together. 

I don't think I want to know how he knew that. 

So I got the two of them into my seat, followed what navigation instructions Abel could give me in between trying to get Cain to stop going batshit, and somehow managed to get us back.

I'm just SO glad it wasn't you I was flying with that day. I feel bad enough about Phobos, and he was a complete tool. Not much more of a pilot than that idiot friend of his, either. Deimos must have the patience of a saint to put up with Phobos for so long before asking to be reassigned.

Still, I keep wondering if there was something I could have done. I did tell him to concentrate on the mission, not his little snit fit with Porthos, but...if I'd paid more attention to him or something, maybe...

You're probably right. Still...

Ever heard of Theoros? No, I guess he was before your time. He wasn't just my first Navigator--he was the first ever from our colony. And my best friend. We enlisted together.

He's back on Europa now. With his family. Paralyzed from the waist down. 

Training accident, 18 months ago. Officially ruled to not be my fault. 

Haven't heard from him since.

I had to do psych evaluation again and then counseling and they assigned all the new Fighters before me. So you'd think I'd get the worst of the new crop of Navigators. That's what I expected. But Techne was good at his job and a great guy in general. 

We formed a connection very quickly. I didn't mean for it to happen, and I don't think he did either, but we...

Never mind. No need to go into details. Let's just say if I could give my other eye to bring him back, I'd do it in an instant.

Gah. Sorry. I... Aagh! Why am I even telling you all this? 

I guess I just needed to tell someone. And make sure you know what you're getting back into.

Navigating for me does not end well. I don't know if me or Tiberius is cursed or what, but the track record doesn't lie. One maimed, two dead, and one who had the sense to ask for reassignment. 

It's not too late to stay with Deimos. He may be Cain's lackey, but he's a good shot and he's never gotten anyone killed.

What _about_ Abel? If Cain lives, Abel will stay with him. If he dies, he'll still hate me. I tried to tell him what Cain was really like once, and he thought I was lying and called me pathetic. He's made his choice, and there's nothing I can do about it. Even though it's about the stupidest fucking choice possible. 

I never thought I'd see a man with a broken leg get up from a pool of his own blood and RUN to protect someone, though. Let alone all that other crazy shit he did. 

Maybe there really is something there.

I don't know.

You should get to the mess hall before it shuts.

Thanks for listening, Ethos.


	9. Chapter 9

"Abel is fine."

Mmm...wha..?

"He'll be here soo--"

WHOA! Back the FUCK up! Like I haven't been through enough without waking up to you two inches from my face!

What the--Why the hell am I strapped down?! Get this crap off me!!

Ugh. Thanks, kiddo. Those knives of yours are handy.

And thanks for telling me about Abel. Just... _personal space._ Yeesh!

Where's my chart?

Huh, fractured skull. Big surprise. Broken clavicle, broken ribs, broken arm in five places, blah blah broken fucking everything on my left side and a few on my right for good measure.

Severe lacerations to the...everywhere...and face. 

Is that why you're looking at me weird, Deimos? Am I not pretty enough for you to hump my leg in the simulator anymore?

Get me a fucking mirror.

Aw, craaaap! Did they really have to shave half my head!? Dammit! Eh, that'll be a badass scar. That one too.

What? What are you pointing at?

Oh. "To prevent scarring, apply...some fucking thing I can't pronounce...twice a day." And where's that shit? Ah.

Damn, I almost did lose that eye. Looks like half my forehead was hanging down over it. Shiiiit. This slash across my mouth, though--

What-- Oh hell, Myshonok. How did you get that?

So that's why you wear your hair across your face now...?

Give me the mirror again.

Huh. Heh. Haha! Ahahahaha! Haa... Shit, it hurts to laugh. This mouth cut. Heheh. It's just like--

"ABEL! Abel, STOP! He's still in recovery! You can't go in there!"

"The hell I can't! CAIN! BABY!!"

Aaagh! Don't fucking jump on me and scream again!

"OH CAIN I WAS SO SCARED I THOUGHT I LOST YOU AND THE SHIP WAS ON FIRE AND I COULDN'T GET YOU OUT AND YOU WERE BLEEDING SO BAD AND THEN THE COLTERONS AND DON'T YOU EVER DO THAT TO ME AGAIN!!!"

Owww! _Shut up!_

"Sorry, sorry! I just--I thought--you were--Oh, Cain! ...Uh...why is he here?"

Get lost, Deimos.

Wait.

Give me a knife first.


	10. Chapter 10

Abel immediately commandeers the tube of scar stuff. In his hands, it erases pain in places I didn't even know I was cut. He dabs it on my scalp, forehead, chest, arm, hip, and legs, down one side of me and up the other, letting his shoulder-length platinum hair "accidentally" brush over parts he doesn't need to touch. I'd bet a month's worth of shitty borscht he grew it out just for that. He knows exactly what he's doing, and it's working, but there's something I have to do first.

Curled up against my less broken side, he watches as I use Deimos's knife to dig, pry, and saw the stitches out of my lips. His own lovely mouth, no longer flawless thanks to me, is open in shock and something else I can't read. 

I don't think he quite understands until I push his hand holding the scar stuff away as the blood starts to drip again.

Those beautiful eyes go big and wet.

"Oh, Cain, no! You don't have to..."

Shhh, Princess. I owe you one.

So gently, he licks the blood away.

So gently, he sucks and nibbles my wounded lips, kisses and caresses my bruised and stitched face, and slowly works his way over my whole battered body again, from my tender, newly bare scalp down to my mostly broken toes.

He comes halfway back up, then lingers.

A wonderful tingling warmth is flowing all through me, washing away a thousand small and not-so-small hurts. I'm even starting to believe that "Full Recovery Expected" bullshit on my chart.

I grab his hair with my good hand and hang on for dear life as I shudder and writhe, all pain forgotten.

For about the hundredth time in two days, I completely lose control.

For the first time in my life, I let it go willingly.

I awaken into a universe of ecstacy.

I can't see. I can barely breathe.

I thought I was something of an expert on pleasure, but this is like nothing I've ever imagined.

I think my mouth is bleeding again. Good. 

Oh, Abel. 

I'm keeping this one.


	11. Epilogue

Dear Praxis, 

I can never thank you enough. Cain and I would both be dead without you. 

I'm so sorry about Phobos. I can't imagine how awful that must be for you.

I'm also sorry for what I said last time we talked. I've had some informative conversations with Cain in the past few days, and I know now you were telling the truth as you saw it.

He's really not like that with me, though. Not anymore.

I appreciate your concern, but I think we'll be fine. I hope you are too.

Feel free to stop by if you want to talk or anything.

Your Friend, 

Abel

 

Praxis--

Thanks for the ride.

Sorry about Phobos. 

No I'm not. Abel wouldn't stop whining until I wrote that.

Truce?

\--Cain


End file.
